A major issue I had to deal with in 2024 is the myriad reasons I’ve been told to quit whatever I’m doing for the sake of whatever I’m being told is more important and urgent — taking care of my mother, getting married and settling down, and the futility of what I do. I was told these things by people who know barely anything about how I live and what I do. I can’t ignore their advice for I have two functioning ears and a brain that retains information too well. However, what I can do is review what makes me resolute in pursuing my endeavors and my way of life.
The past five months made me confront the feelings I’ve already had to deal with for many years — time that those people were never present for — but in a new light. We’ve seen people quit on us and enact scorched earth upon everything we’ve previously worked on together due to contempt and resentment. These things do happen as egos clash and ideas about how to achieve success conflict with personal beliefs and sentiments. It’s also part of the process.
Schisms and upheavals take place in every field, and especially every artform. People quit making art, working with a group of people, or even residing in a particular place for many reasons. This blog post is about understanding why many of us quit and why some of us are stubborn and foolhardy enough to keep going.
Quitting is the Start of Something Else
There’s no shame in quitting if you’re quitting something you’ve realized is not for you. By doing so, you’re making way for others. Knowing that you need not keep doing something is the start of something else, which may be a better fit for you.
Most reasons to quit are legitimate. Even the above reason of no longer wanting to do the work is valid, as long as they are willing to fully admit to it. There’s no worse way to quit than to do so with a false reason created in one’s own head. Excuses conceal one’s truth, thus fogging up their future intentions.
We need not fool each other and ourselves — there’s a difference between merely walking away and being a sore loser.
Scorched Earth
But if the quitting is done as a show of contempt for the work, the people you work with, the people you work for, the environment, the field, and/or the very nature of the work itself, there’s a line on the sand that may be crossed. That line is whether you enact scorched earth and burn everything you leave behind to show your disdain for what you used to hold dear.
You destroy your work, you cut ties with the people you worked with, you screw over the people you worked for, you trash the environment, you curse the field, and/or you attempt to expose the evils of the very nature of the work itself. This scorched earth manner of making your ungraceful exit to undermine what you had previously loved and cared for due to not getting what you want is an indication of not valuing the art — merely desiring the value it can give you.
And when you don’t get what you want and your mental health comes to a point of collapse, it takes a strong and dedicated mind to not make the choice of turning things completely upside-down. Perhaps the operation itself had been a criminal one, in which case your indignation may be warranted. Otherwise, it’s merely the tantrums of an immature cunt.
The Probationary Artist
I think ‘probationary’ does not mean ‘beginner’ — even long-time artists can remain ‘probationary’ because they never finish anything. They quit in the middle of a project again and again and again. They never fully realize their efforts, thus they never experience the culmination of their skills and talent.
“When (they) hit the wall, the probationary artist quits, or… ‘I need to work on my personal life. I quit.’ Or (whatever) they need as an excuse. There are many reasons to quit, but that’s one of them.
So then, what happens? They don’t get the finished thing. They get resentments. They resent quitting, they resent the wall, they resent the work, they resent making the thing, and — I would argue — they even resent the inspiration.”
The Veteran Artist
If there’s anything you can do to make yourself feel good about growing old, it’s to become a veteran in something — to practice it for an extended period of time and get really good at it. Being a 20-year veteran at something is a whole lot better than whining about being already 40 or 50 years old.
The veteran artist stands above the probationary artist — especially ‘long-time’ probationary artists — by having a significant body of work. They’ve finished projects throughout the years, which means they’ve realized their efforts consistently and their skills and talents are built up further.
They willingly endured the struggles because they saw them coming from a mile away. The probationary artist never gets into their heads that struggle is inevitable — with enough money, manpower, and assets, we can make it all a cakewalk.
Like I said in a previous blog post, quoting a book about talent, “Struggle is not optional; it is a biological necessity.”
“The veteran artist makes the commitment, starts with preparation… and that’s when the resentment begins.
He does not resent the hate or humidity or the exhaustion. The veteran artist resents the distractions. The veteran artist resents resenting the distractions. The distractions, after all, are for him — for the veteran artist. The distractions pay admission for the work.
So, the veteran artist hits the old familiar wall. He works and he works and he sleeps and he works and he works until he gets his breakthrough through inspiration.
He finishes. And the veteran, upon finishing, feels a sense of gratitude — gratitude for the finished thing, for the breakthrough, for the inspiration. Without finishing, you do not get the gratitude.
And the probationary artist is left with only resentment. And the more they quit, the more resentment piles up until they quit for good. And don’t make the commitment.”
In the case of a continuous project — like establishing a whole new industry that hadn’t been there before — the gratitude starts internally, then it becomes more and more of a thankless task to keep going. Perhaps someday, once it hits critical mass, then you’ll clearly sense the gratitude from the outside. However, until then, you must be content in your own work.
A true veteran is not only content, but satiated by the stimulus and response to their work. They know the worth of both their work and the goal they’re working towards.
Conclusion
The impetus for writing this blog post is twofold — I had an urge to show that I’m not quitting as a writer and artist while I hadn’t published anything here in a long while, and pondering on a disastrous exodus that happened earlier this year. Here’s a brief story about the latter.
There were two groups — those who wished to reach the peak of Mount Olympus and those who pushed the boulder up like Sisyphus.
The climbers quit halfway because they could no longer stand the pushers. They found it a waste of time. They wished to dine with the gods, not share with the labor of pushing up the boulder. They had put too much time and money for things to not go their way.
After seeing the boulder fall down enough times, they had enough. They took their things and left. Their contempt fueled the fires that burned all the boats and bridges, and the resentment makes them look back from time to time.
The only pleasure they get now is sneering at the fools they left up there, still fruitlessly pushing their boulder up. They now laugh at them from the bottom of the mountain, even if rocks end up falling on them. Despite that, the boulder is still being pushed up.
We need not imagine Sisyphus happy. We indeed are.
I can’t speak for my colleagues, but I feel that last part of the video. I will die trying.
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